If I knew I could provide as a man for the both of us in today’s society, I wouldn’t even pack. :)
Sometimes I’m just at a loss for words.
Like I genuinely don’t know what to say.
You do that to me some days.
With those beautiful eyes.
That smile in the moonlight.
How you’re body fits next to mine.
I just can’t help but think about it.
The only things I can say describe who you are.
What you are to me.
And how I’m getting to know you more day by day.
And it’s a beautiful thing.
I find myself feeling like the kid at the amusement park.
And jumps right back in line.
A new addiction.
That’s what you feel like to me.
Like a new numbness on my tongue.
A new itch to my nose.
A new mark in between my toes.
And I just can’t get enough.
Sometimes, you just think about the facts.
The fact you don’t have to be in an empty room to be alone.
The fact that you don’t have to be in love to be broken hearted.
The fact that sometimes you’re just not living even though you’re alive.
The fact that although blood may not be as thin as water, but it runs just the same.
Sometimes I’d rather not talk to anyone, just so I can remember what it’s like to have someone.
Sometimes that’s what we, as people need.
You can keep your job
You can take the car
You can run from life
But don’t break my heart
We’ve got separate lives
And live miles apart
It’s ending now
Been done from the start
You better tell that man
“Better stay away,
Cause if you love that girl,
You’re headin for the grave.”
Cause she’ll break you heart.
I’ve been drinking tonight
Found myself downtown
Just to find that girl while I’m on the ground.
told me where I could be
So we stumbled to a room
and that’s fine by me.
So I asked her “where you been darlin,”
She said “in your dreams.”
I said “see you’re wrong honey.
My father said I’d have this problem
Momma said it was in my genes
But if you seen that lady last night honey
She don’t look like a problem to me
See she asked me “where you been
I smiled “drinking in the streets.”
She smiled and said back,
You fulfilled my dreams.”
She stood there, staring like a deer in the headlights. Motionless as I approached. We traded a few words, numbers even, not that it even mattered; not that she would try to call or text me; not that I would even try to contact her, I mean, she’s married.
My phone began to ring around five thirty, and I’m not talking about five thirty “come down stairs, supper is ready,” five thirty. No, I’m talking, “come over, my husband just left for work and I want something rough for breakfast,” five thirty. I threw on my clothes and it felt so wrong that I had to do it. My car was rumbling as soon as my hand met the “push to start.” I was gone before sunrise.
Her house, or should I say THEIR house was so large; a mansion even. I questioned what her husband’s profession could possibly be. A doctor? Perhaps. Maybe a lawyer. Regardless this house was far too large to be owned by a counselor as myself. This kind of house can not just contain the family, but the secrets of such, the three gates leading towards the house confirmed that.
The sun peeled over the Northern Nevada horizon as I approached the front door. The yard was full of green grass; clearly trimmed and cared for. The one, seemingly old and large tree bore one low tree branch that supported a small swing that lay close to the ground. Was she a mother? Was I approaching something that lust alone would justify? I knew there was going back when she answered the door in just lingerie. I was fucked since I met her that night at the bar, the night we decided we would attempt to murder her husband.
I used to breathe you in between the ciagerettes, until you became part of my skin. You a piece of me now, whether I like it our not, if I simply try to cut you off, there’s still the scar left behind.
I wish I was an interesting person, you know, someone that the women I take on dates would want to go again. I wish I was the guy that was cool enough to be with. But I’m not. I’m just a has been, a guy who used to be fun and entertaining and energetic, but now, now, I’m turning grey. I’m becoming that guy you see sitting by himself catching a matinee movie that everyone has already seen, I’m becoming that guy sitting outside the coffee shop drinking a hot latte contemplating on what he should read or eat in the afternoon. I’m becoming what I never thought I’d be, and it scares me at times. It scares me because I’m afraid I’ll be alone through it all, like the man sitting at the bar on a Tuesday night, drinking to forget the facts, the facts that he’s alone and no one really knows. I’m afraid I won’t wake up to a pair of beautiful eyes in the morning, or come home to kids in the yard, I’m afraid I’m gonna die alone. I’m afraid I won’t be someone to remember, or even be remembered. That’s the truth.